It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. All women were Muslims. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. Gabe and I won't have that. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! He says he isnt much of a speaker. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. Published: As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. It is an option. 2014; 8-10. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Stanford University Press. The world is their oyster. Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. It was a love marriage. composed of two imperfect people. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. She explained" in the beginning, my husband ignored me and my daughters and reduces the monthly income for my children. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. What kind of man has three wives and no job? Lateron, both married. Evelyn shrugs and says women should always know their rights and not be afraid to fight for them. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. "Risk"? And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. Both babies were through cesarean. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? So, she accepted this relationship. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Her ex-husband died. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). 2 Meet other future spouses. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. She had only one daughter. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. Social Change. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. "If it's mostly. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Bigger families imply more connections. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Journalism strengthens democracy. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. 5. 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. But Im his last.. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. She was in severe depression after this trauma. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. What Is Marriage Coaching? In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections.
Categories